I’m writing this for no one.
Except that I guess I am writing this for myself and well, I am someone.
But what I really mean is that this is me, real , raw and open.
See, I realized today that life is almost like a mirror. As I am almost finished wiping down all the mirrors in the gym today, something inspires me to slow down.
I start to look at the fingerprints , some smudged , others imprinting almost the entire hand. And I begin to notice, really notice, each mark on the mirror.
Then I begin becoming more aware of my strokes with the towel and cleaner. My movements become intentional and slow. I become entranced in this almost Karate Kid dance where my hands make circles starting from the outside and then stemming from the inside.
And that’s when I realize that life is like that mirror.
There have been and will be so many prints impressed on my life. Some prints are smaller, maybe the result of a minor experience or an interaction with an acquaintance. But it nonetheless made an impression.
Others, larger, are much more detailed. A big marking on this life mirror. One that distorted or absolutely shaped my life. One that takes intentionality, mental effort and physical presence to rid myself of.
None of these prints were good to me, these ones that need wiping. They left small and large stains that distort the clarity of my life mirror, the one that reflects who I am and more importantly, who God sees me as.
See, I have to fight these influential prints daily. I am exhausted by not seeing myself clearly. I am tired of having to look into this life mirror and still see the residue left from the fingers and hands that have touched me, that made their mark.
I want to be able to look into the mirror and see myself.
But all the prints mask it. I wipe and wipe and squint to see the outline. I can’t make out my face . All I see is the aftermath and it’s ugly . Man, it’s ugly.
Instead of obtaining the physical picture of who I am, the prints resemble impatience, regret, guilt, shame, anger, insecurity .
I need industrial cleaner to clear the blemishes. They have been there so long, they held on so tight.
I would like to get rid of them for good but as soon as one blot vanishes from the seeing glass, another one appears.
I would like to be able to look at who I know I am. But for now I have to resign.
One at a time it is. It may take days or weeks or months to clear that space on the mirror. To put into full view that piece of me. So with Karate Kid focus and intentionality, I’ll work.
It is essential to me to one day see myself. Despite the work it will take to get there, I’m not willing to any longer let these markings stick and hinder the true reflection of me.