Tag Archives: real

Anxiety

Anxiety 

Yes, you’re telling me but not really 

Because we aren’t quite free

To speak

of that which holds us

So I’m telling myself

Exercise

Eat right

Fight the urge and purge

It’ll get better

but then it doesn’t

So, I’m stressed to the max

and it’s seen in my actions

Depression and rage times a thousand

You should see me behind closed doors

Man, you would be floored

If you witnessed

Even a hint of it

But, it’s kinda taboo

To discuss

A less than perfect version

So what’s left?

Unrest and anxiety

More pressure to please

Less freedom to be

Fear of being seen

With all my imperfections

So I dare not speak

Of the hidden Inner

That’s riddled with tension

and I’ll keep on pretending

until I’ve sought the one that renders

Me as exceedingly perfect

till the hurtful is no longer worth it

till I expose those

Things that he chose to go 

to the cross for 

and when He rose, He showed

How the imperfect becomes perfect

How the depression becomes redemption

How He chose another ending

Without apprehesion

because He saw me as a treasure

Now, how’s that for value?

And it changed up the game

that I am no longer lame

But now I have the freedom to change!

Cross

WAKE UP !

TAKE UP 

YOUR CROSS 
AND 
DIE TO YOURSELF 
WE’RE DEFLECTING 

NOT REFLECTING 

ON THE RESURRECTION 

WHILE HE’S HEAPING HELPING 

AFTER HELPING 

AT THE FEAST 

WHERE WE ARE WELCOME !
JUDAS ISCARIOTS 

SIMON PETERS 

MIRRORING THE ACTIONS 

OF THE “HEATHENS”
BECOMING ONE WITH THE WORLD 

THROUGH TRICKS OF 

ISOLATION 

DEGRADATION

PERSUASION 
WELL, LET ME PERSUADE YOU

AND WHILE I’M AT IT, MYSELF : 
THE CROSS HAD A PURPOSE 

MAN HAS USURPED 

BUT HE’S IN POWER 

NOT THAT WE COWER 

IN THE FINAL HOUR
“IT IS FOR FREEDOM 

THAT WE’VE BEEN SET FREE ”
HOW LONG UNTIL 

THIS SINKS IN ?

AND WE TAKE THE WIN ?

BEGIN AGAIN ?

Hiding 

I wasn’t meant for hiding 

Chiding

Writhing

Chastising my inner 

For what was hidden 

No!

I wasn’t meant to play 

This hide and seek game

Where you know me by name 

But don’t truly know me 

I wasn’t made for highlight reels 

Just so you could get an 

Unreal feel 

Of who I am 

I wasn’t made to live in darkness 

Harnessed 

Parked there 

Bystanders Unaware 

Or when exposed 

“Look out, beware”

I was made for the open 

The light 

And the hoping 

I was made to help focus

Hocus pocus 

Our attention on what’s magical 

A fully, vulnerable soul 

The things you don’t learn at school 

See, we’ve been made to be quiet 

But “not I” says the woman 

Who was truant 

Now fluent 

In imperfections 

And flaws

Without pause 

For I wasn’t meant for hiding.

Reciprocity

Reciprocity 

Is key

To our “we”

Relationally

None of this me

Before you

Equality is the glue

Between us

Not one better

A relational fetter

Then I let it fester

Hold it all in

Try to reel it in

codependent

Where I give in

And you win

Relationship strained

I’m drained

Contained

Inside

Let it hide

Abide

In this unhealthy version of us

Can’t discuss

For fear

Of losing what’s left of us

So I keep it smooth sailing

Always failing

To hit the nail on

The head

So I Play dead

Instead

“Pride at its Finest”

Pride at its finest 

Your royal highness

Big on assumption 

And gumption

On how God will work

Assert 

Your opinion

Black and white

Wrong and right 

Eyes shut tight 

Toward the gray 

Mayday mayday

See, it Makes us uncomfortable 

To be vulnerable 

Jaws pressed 

To imagine less 

than a flawless

Pants pressed

Assembly 

Of people 

So we 

Achieve 

This glossed over

Boxed in

And covered 

Gospel

Manufactured 

Wrought

And bought 

Sold

To the highest bidder

But it’s Only a glimmer

Of the wide 

Deep 

Heapin’

Love

He doles out 

On all of His children 

Unlearning 

There’s this term 

“Unlearning”

Yearning 

To be stripped 

Ripped 

And Sifted

See, we’ve been tripped up 

By the things they’ve conjured up  

Held as truth 

This ban on youth 

Conspiring ruse

To quiet the muse 

I have my own way of thinking 

Heard not just seen 

Through verbs, not in memes 

Shot down when I spoke up

So I learned to choke what 

Drove us 

Both 

Me and my sister(s)

Learning to unlearn 

All the silence 

Violence 

Tyrants 

And to Unchoke

The hope

That woke

Me up to my dream 

Scheme

Wasn’t only a dream

More like a scheme

To see

IF I would break

I remember your hands

How they meant to do evil

An upheaval 

Of me

One of your own

As you sat on the throne

Of authority

Keeping me

From experiencing free

I remember learning young that love wasn’t real

Not something you feel

Just words

Empty

Free of meaning

Had to fight 

To scratch the surface

Of true purpose

Remember saying we were worthless?

Guess you won for a time

Waved my white flag in surrender

Bent

Broken

At least a thousand times over

Let their hands

Their words

Their bodies do evil

Personally engaged in my own upheaval 

It’s amazing

How the games changed

After years of absence

Now a passive

Existence

Of this abusive

Dynamic

You’re panicked

Because I remember

An ember

A small flame

Inside my members

That renders 

My self worthy

Not a flurry

But a fury of fight

Light 

Plus sight

Ignite

Because I remember

And won’t let it happen tonight